Afraid

When I paint I listen to music....
                  some songs fade into nothingness when I really get going... they are not there anymore... there is silence...   I AM NOT AFRAID OF SILENCE.
    I like to be there. The faded music, however... touches my soul and gives the rhythm to my brush. I like to start my pieces with faster, happier rhythms... and as I progress and the story starts unfolding... when things start to get a bit more complicated... I like slower melodies.
    At some point the music comes again alive... I hear the words... oddly enough... usually the sung words are just right for my piece... either giving me a title... or what I should focus on. This happened today... with Dar Williams, "As cool as I am".

.... "I am not afraid of women"... she sings to a happy live guitar play.
                              I used to be.
Maybe because I took them too seriously, as I did with all things in life =D
Mostly because I took myself too seriously.

                                        Life is really NOT so serious. It can be, if you make it. 

                                      like in the carving above (my mother missing my father)

Life can be black and white, linear and sharp... or warm and curvy... all depending on how we take it.
I recall a story I read about this guy who upset the gods... they decided to punish him, and gave him the task of pushing an immense rock up a hill, then letting it roll down the other side. This... forever. It was a hard task, made a lot harder by the fact the guy was upset about being punished... and only focused on the pain and weight the rock was giving him.
    Until one day, for some or no reason, he suddenly decided to embrace the fact that "the ROCK" was his thing! =D He started figuring out way of rolling it to ease his plight, and noticing the wonders around him as the rock rolled down the other side. It became a game, he learnt to play. he had fun. everything else was the same. It did not take long for the gods to realise the punishment had done its job.

We spend our lives looking out from the window, dreaming someday everything will get easier, happier and smooth as silk; We stare and stare... and the landscape outside the window never changes. Unless, of course,,, at some point we understand that "The rock is our thing".

When I was in Brazil, a friend of mine one day came up to me and said: i have found us a fantastic job!!!!! We have been hired to paint ( with your artwork)the facade of a surfing shop... and then a creperie beside it, inside walls too.

I had never painted anything bigger than 1,5m x 1m... and for the past three months only been sketching. A shiver ran down my spine as I said to him: you have promised WHAT? "I can´t do that?"
    He smiled, and said... miguel, you are THE artist! of course you can!

                                 His name was Contento .... Claudio Contento ( meaning joy full)
He taught me to play.
   He taught me not to take myself too seriously.

                              NOW I can really say, I AM NOT AFRAID OF WOMEN!  <3 <3 <3

                                           
   

On Women

Why do you always have women in your art? is usually what people ask me when in an exhibition...
Well, I can tell you this, there have been many answers to this along my career... all of them true in the context they were delivered. The most frequent one being: why not? =D
    The truth is, an artist MUST create from something that stirs him, really moves him... deep down in his heart. Its all about transmitting a deep feeling. What this is does not matter, can be a tree, a landscape, a horse, a statement... or... in my case... women. I tend to believe that the reason for this is that I want to convey beauty, I want to convey love.
 
I know, this is definitely NOT a trendy thing today. In fact, when working on my thesis: what happened to beauty in art? I found it was a subject that is almost despised. A REAL artist and true art is supposed to stir controversy, polemic, raise social questions... make us open our eyes. I found this hard to digest... and I am not saying art can´t be all those things. But I do believe there is no formula for what art is... if and when you create from your heart, it is ART. =D

My mom... the most beautiful, loving and supporting one can get. its a known fact that the first years in your life, affect you forever... no wonder I associate women with love and beauty... no need to be Sigmund to grasp that.

                                                    sketch (early 90´s)
And why then, are my women often naked? =D  Can imagine what Freud would say... I blame this on Franco =D    i was brought up under a regime of dictatorship, where nudity was, amongst other much more important things, banned. I remember people drove from Barcelona to France to see the first "Emanuele" movie (VERY erotic at the time... true birth of Porn)... and I also remember me and my friends checking out naked bodies in magazines at the paper factory my Dad was directing, Tampella española (magazines were brought in from all around Europe to be transformed into quality cardboard). So, as an artist.... what could possibly be more luring than the forbidden?

And so, I have sketched them, painted them, carved them... tried to mold them into different aspects of love. Well over 30 years I have worked with this (believe my first female figures started arising around 14).

My son Napoleon interpreted at a very tender age my doings, on one of my diaries. The text beside his picture says:
                                 The guy came down from heaven to grab Sevil Aslanova.

    And make no mistake, KIDS don´t lie!  =D =D =D

You paint yourself (INTRODUCTION)

                                                      YOU PAINT YOURSELF:
 I have been looking at some old photo albums and I think there will be nice shots to uncover a bit who I really am...
                          there really is nothing you can´t do... if you set your mind to it.
 What stops us is FEAR. fear of failing, fear of making a fool of ourselves... fear of not belonging. I know, I have been afraid all my life... still am. And YET, look what I have accomplished =D Travels, adventure... six years lost in South America (but more found than ever), Teaching... family... children... exhibitions....you name it.

Me and my mother... we had a very close relationship =) She used to tell me how I was shy and afraid of everything as a baby... and how much effort she put into making me brave =D  ;)

So... I guess I at an early stage understood in a way, that life is like a theatre play... you put on different masks... encounter people who also are playing a role, and then make the best of it. Be a sport, make a good movie. =D Realising this helped me to start climbing the ladder of life.

(in Malaysia)... So I put little scared me behind and started doing things, which I will be presenting to you as I discover again, through the photo albums, my past.

(in Brazil)... I´ll tell you a bit about my travels...

(in Finland)... my art...

and my philosophy.
   A picture story of a little boy... who decided to climb out from the swimming pool one day and has not stopped climbing since =D  <3 <3 <3     ;)

                                                                            LET
                                                                  THE PLAY BEGIN
                                                                       

On Love

   The past years in my life have been full of turmoil and change... A dread full infection of my pancreas started the process... keeping me three months in the hospital bed, with 2 close calls from death and a lot of pondering on the meaning of life: why are we here, what is... eventually, important. I left Hospital 14kg under my ideal weight, a total skeletal version of my former me, with barely enough strength to slowly get myself to the loo when in need (and even that left me panting). To this followed divorce (after 20 years of marriage); A 20 day visit to the moon house ( to recover from a psychosis... probably the result of seeing my former tutor, mentor and friend Oiva kentta getting a stroke and becoming paralysed in half of his body); new love; new baby; and finally ... unemployment - despite 20 years of formidable teaching and fantastic feedback from most of my students.  CHAOS is definitely the word to describe this.
     ... some might venture to say mid-life crises...
                                            others might chose crossroads.
   One thing has been a constant through all of this... and that is LOVE. It is the love of friends, my ex, my children and my girlfriend that have kept me going. It is MY love for all above, and of life, and of art, that have given my heart its pulse; the strength to be positive despite the rocky road I have been walking on.
   My art has always revolved around the female... but love has definitely been a part of it to. Love is a mysterious thing... a mixture of strong contrasting tensions - totally in balance yet unseemingly so.
It can rock you, shock you, sooth you, bless you... and most certainly it can give you WILL.

   I have chosen this chapter to be about love cause I am hoping, in a near future, to start carving again - a true passion in my life. I love wood, the feeling of it. I love its warmth, its earthiness.I  Hope I will be given time for it, and i hope you will also enjoy the adventure with me. I leave you today, with a tip: 3 wonder full songs on the subject of love:
                           U2 - ordinary love
                          Samuli Putro - olet puolisoni nyt
                          Vesa- Matti Loiri - kaiken nähnyt

Inspiration... horsewoman on red horse, Chagal, 1966

Many of you, my friends, might like to see how my mess evolves... where do the ideas come from, what is the process.... I myself.... believe this to be more important than the final result. So... every now and then I will be posting Inspiration pages...
   I believe it was the genius of creativity, Picasso... who said that you look, you think... and when you know what to do, you make a bold statement. I totally agree with him on this... I seldom paint not knowing what I am doing.
   Let me correct that... when I approach the canvass (in my case board - only because an expensive canvass makes me think I am going to make a master-piece.... and I don´t like that pressure... since I like to play and think I am sketching) I totally know what I am going to do.... I make my statement... and sometimes I get into a flow... where I start to do, knowingly.... but just grasping what comes along... like when you go to pick berries... you know what you are doing,,,, you pick one... and then your hand starts to go automatically to other berries....
  You get into a picking pace... until the moment comes when you have to take a break to see where you proceed.

I have chosen a Chagal painting to get me going... I believe his economy of colour palette and interesting yet simple design might bring clarity to my CHaos. I start by very roughly sketching in what I like the most. This helps me place my darks and lights at the beginning. As I start working I do something from the Chagal ( that would be like looking where you are going to pick berries)... but I also let my imagination create mikki-like... This will give me as my work proceeds the chance to work on my imagination... and if there is none... proceed with Chagal. At this point I have really no idea what it is I want to tell with the piece. There is no story yet.

Ok... had my fun for today =D Figures are starting to appear... and at this point all of them are dear to me.... even if I have not made a connection with why they are there! Since I am working with acrylic I have to let it dry... to see what the colour spectrum looks like (when wet they are brighter and lighter). Tomorrow morning, when I wake up... I will look at the piece with a fresh and a bit more distant feeling towards what I have created... I tend to think a more subjective way... and then I will start playing again. Right now... it seems Chagal has not been able to subdue my CHAOS.... =D =D =D        Hope you have a choice Sunday ;)


   

Tolerance

I watched on TV the other day  Charlie Sheen being roasted. I like the programme, sometimes finding it a bit too cruel but enjoying the idea that we must learn to laugh at ourselves.
   For some reason... we take everything too seriously.Starting with ourselves, our jobs, our life in general.Look at Buddha, a bit overweight, seemingly lazy, in the midst of what we believe to be life´s turbulence... always smiling!!!! Anyway... they were making fun of Sheen´s drug abuse, violence towards his former wives, sexual profanity...etc,etc and one roaster pointed out that he should beware... cause there once was a man who loved whores, drug addicts, beggars and other social misfits... and he was crucified.He was though, into non-violence... as opposed to Sheen. A joke on Christ!? - good lord, what a profanity!. Do I believe he would be upset? NO. I am quite sure that HE, if anyone, had a strong sense of humour and understanding of the importance of not taking things too seriously.
   Having been brought up in Spain I got used to the fact that among friends, specially close ones, one must learn to take jokes that make fun of your weaknesses... and you must learn to be quick and witty enough to be able to reply with an equally or more powerful critical joke. Guess the idea is, when properly played... everybody gets to have a laugh but if you pay attention you might learn about yourself and develop.
   We should learn to be tolerant, and we should learn the art of laughing. We should learn to forgive - most of all ourselves for what we believe to be our weaknesses.
   First it is with us... then it is with others. <3

Today

 

I believe it was Cezanne who said that a clear mind produces a clear picture, order. I am therefore starting this blog with what I believe he would describe as "Total Chaos". Thus, my mind must be a mess. But what to do when the mind has a story to tell. Not a simple, neat, well planned tale with a clear beggining and a happy end. My work is based on intuition, on feeling the moment, on seeing things, picking and choosing the ones that add content to the story (in this case maybe too many)... making others dissappear or become part of the underlayers. 

The girl on the lower left corner is asleep... her mind buisy with what has happened... and what might. How to find love, how to find happyness.

Above her, her "Self" tries to show her life is meant to be lived by being aware of the moment. Alive now...

Living in tomorrow... fearing what might come... believing gold will bring us sunshine... all imaginary hooks that keep us from living in the now...

as does living in the past.
   A Mes... I know. But then again, I believe Picasso once said.... the artist must be brave enough to jump into the stormy sea, trusting his tallent will bring him safetly back to shore. I decided to embark on this blogging adventure... totally unfamiliar with how it works, very much at a loss with how things happen. My brother David told me this summer... just start. take the first step... the rest will follow. And THAT is what I am doing.
   For the next three months I will share with you my chaos... one way or another... trusting we can all dive into its wonders and together come out alive.... hope you like :) <3